That is how I have referred to the events of June 3, 2012 for the past 3 years. The accident. It holds such a negative connotation in my head. Even just saying the words make my stomach drop.
Recently, I have been going to therapy to handle some post-traumatic stress involving the accident. Why it decided to appear almost three years after it happened? I don’t know, but sometimes life throws things at you and you just have to handle it. Although I have been doing well (very well actually) the anniversary of the accident is always, always a difficult day, and I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way.
To any friends or family that have been affected by the accident as well: I feel your pain and I’m here for you, even if I don’t know you. It’s weird. This car accident has connected people in a mysterious way. It’s like some sort of bond that can’t be broken, but I think that it really helps deal with the pain.
These past three years have been full of crazy ups and downs. I’ve learned to live with the fact that this has happened to not only me, but also my friends. For a while, I didn’t want to believe it, but one day it just hit me. I said to myself, “Okay, this happened. I can either deal with it and learn from it and continue to live my life, or I can let it destroy me.”
It’s hard, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like you can just shake off the death one of your close friends or family members and forget it never happened. Some days you’re a happy, normal person just going through the motions like anyone else, and other days you’re overwhelmed with sadness and just keep saying why me? You have to get through those bad days, because guess what? Those good days always come back around.
You have to take the bad and turn it into something good. That’s my philosophy.
Let me give you an example.
On June 3, 2012 I lost myself. Honestly. I couldn’t tell you what kind of person I even was before the accident. A piece of me was destroyed that day, but through the years it has been rebuilt. It has shaped and formed into something great, and I hope that it’s something that Lexi would be proud of.
I am going to make good out of this car accident. It has impacted so many people in a negative way, so why can’t that negative become positive?
Currently, I am working on writing a book about my story. It’s very much in-process (writing a book is so much more difficult than you’d think), but I’m getting somewhere. I want to share my story with people in the hopes of helping them. I want to be that helping hand to those who need it.
Eventually I want to go to schools and tell my story. If I can save one life by telling my story, then I’d say that is a success. I want to do big things, and I mean BIG things. I am so determined to make an impact on the world (or the country, or Ohio, or maybe just Brunswick) because I believe that’s why I’m here.
I’m alive for a reason, and this is it.